Dear Fear,

We seem to have been engaging in such a long relationship now. As far back as I can remember, I have been aware of your presence in my life. Sometimes it has been in a faint lingering or foreboding, and other times you have been fully tangible — palpable almost. You have manifested yourself in something as subtle as nagging anxiety, all the way to parading yourself around in the form of full blown panic and terror. I remember your visits as a child, the way you would cause me to withdrawal or hide away my thoughts and feelings for fear of being rejected– unheard. You would persuade me that I must be mistaken about my perceptions and convince me to keep a silent tongue. You caused me to remain quiet and doubt myself more times than I can remember. You would whisper the most horrifying thoughts into my ear, play the films that had the most desperate endings on the reel of my mind, and then whisper, “Hush, if you speak of such things people will think you are insane.” To add insult to injury, you often caused me to act in ways that I would rather I had not, then point your bloated finger in my direction — taunting my foolishness. For so long, you have managed to disguise yourself as a friend and protector; convincing me that the world is unsafe without you, that people are not to be easily trusted, that viewing life and reality is only safe through your lens. But instead of giving, you take. You have robbed me of relationships because I am too afraid of being hurt, you have pillaged my dreams because I fear I may not be good enough to see them come to pass. You have stolen precious moments because I was too preoccupied with you to embrace the blessing unfolding right before my eyes. In addition to presenting yourself as friend and protector, you have misrepresented yourself as being much greater in power than you actually are. Little did I know that your influence is only effective if I give consent. This was a clever tactic on your part. Well played, old friend. This maneuver allowed you to exert an impressive amount of power over my life. I wonder if at present you are the one that is shaking, trembling in fear as you realize that your charade is being exposed? Do not think for a moment that I am going to keep this telling piece of information to myself either. You must really think me an utter fool if you believe for even one second that I am unaware of your dealings with others. I see how you keep them confined, hiding away in the shadows pretending not to exist. But wait for someone to attempt to grow and reach past their boundaries — oh, you are all too eager at that moment for your voice and your presence to be heard.  You become rather menacing and cause some of the bravest of heart to consider retreat.  I think the worst thing about it all is the stories you convince us to tell ourselves about ourselves. You help us to build a reputation of acquiescing to your ways so that we no longer see ourselves as the powerful and brave images of God that He created us to be. You help us to paint a different picture — narrate a different story —  spin an entirely different tale so that we actually become the weaker ones that you have led us to believe we are. Touché. Another clever move. How is it that you who dwells in darkness and shadows has managed such exertion over children of light? Is it not through nothing more than deception? Smoke and mirrors? A magic act of sorts?  What will you do now that this previously trembling one has caused a beacon of light to shine on your folly and expose you for who you are? Do I appear to be afraid of you anymore? Do you see me huddled in the corner as you had previously left me? It seems to me that something has shifted and that which was a blind spot to me is now visible. It’s time to exert my God given authority over you and put you back in your place. You were created to be a tool for MY use, not the other way around. I am anticipating quite the reaction from you. But know this, swing as you may — even if contact is made — I will keep getting back up. Again. And again. And again. Greater is the One in me than you who are nothing more than a product of this world. I hope this brief memo has cleared up any confusion regarding our previous relationship. If you have any questions, you can take it up with my Creator or His son Jesus.

No longer faithfully yours,

Maria

4 thoughts on “Dear Fear…

    1. Thank you faithful friend! I know that my wrestling with fear will not magically disappear, but I keep feeling like focusing on it and constantly trying to dig up its source and understand it just brings me deeper and deeper into its dark pull. Perfect love is what drives out fear. That’s where my eyes need to be ❤ I know that so many others out there can resonate with that.

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  1. Wow! This post struck a very deep chord within me — mostly because I can identify with it so well.

    Despite having been a born again believer for the majority of my life, I have found myself paralyzed by fear time and again. I’m well aware that scripture states that perfect love casts out all fear. However, I have yet to reach the level of maturity where perfect love is the norm for me. Consequently my inner battle has always been about what becomes my motivation: faith or fear. Sadly, fear has won out so many times — and it makes me wonder how many lives I may have negatively affected as a result.

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    1. I love your reflections and insight friend. Sorry it took me several weeks to comment back! I too would love that perfect love to be the constant driving force in my life. We will keep pursuing growth in love ❤

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