You will hear us Christians talk a lot about two things. The perfection in which God made man in Eden; and the perfection we will once again have in Heaven. But what about all the imperfect and messy stuff in between? The gap that separates Eden and Heaven is the only space I have been given in which to live. And if perfection is my only hope for happiness, someone needs to feel REALLY sorry for me.
As I hit my favorite hiking trail today to run and think, something profound dawned on me. The gap is exactly the spot that God has placed me in. Right in the middle of two perfect points. And what is it that fills up the space between those two perfect points? Imperfection. God put me smack dab in the middle of imperfection.
I hit that trail today because I was stuck…again. Or maybe, as usual, would be more accurate. I often get lost in this dark and confusing place inside. I am an over thinker. Over analytical. I think deeply, feel deeply, express myself more than a bit too much… And I have hated that part of me. I don’t know how many books I own; bible studies, psychology books, self-improvement texts– all purchased with the hope of finding some sort of way out of this “flawed” mind of mine. I have seen it as my greatest foe and the biggest obstacle standing between me and some of my deepest desires. Through much strain and thoughtfulness, I try to hide it from others. I bury it deep and even try to hide it from myself. Maybe if I deny it, it will go away. Maybe if I dress it up in prettier clothes, it will be more presentable– more acceptable. I believed the lie that in order to TRULY be happy, that part of me needed banishment.
When God sparked that idea in my mind (the one where he put me smack dab in the middle of imperfection) I realized all is as it should be. My real problem is not my “fatal flaws”, my real problem is how I have been viewing them. If my all knowing, all perfect God saw fit to create me imperfect (after all, He did create me post-Eden) than there must be something to it. There must be something even okay about it. Those shadowed broken places are where the light breaks through the brightest, and if having those dark and imperfect qualities creates a door that His glory can shine through, then so be it. Who am I to mess with perfection? There is something healing and profound with accepting ourselves just as we are. Accepting that if God wanted us in the middle of perfection, He would have put us there. But He didn’t. He put us right here, now, just as we are. And that my friend, is a truly beautiful thing <3.